Hey Thursday,

Hanging out should have been awesome, who doesn’t love to hang out? But yes, the things between us would assuredly make it awkward. These days, the only real boundaries are getting time? There are hardly long moments to stop and do whatever, it seems someone always needs something, or some other project/thing needs to be done. Time can be made though, sometimes it has to be made with a more forceful purpose!

A few days ago there was a meme that went through my feed of ‘cringe’ texts from ex’s wanting to hang out. It really hit home, hahaha! Though I don’t think we really left anything horribly bitter, it all mostly died in awkwardness, awkwardness on my part! If only we could go back knowing what we know now. I like to envision your face as you get some text from yours truly, an exaggerated eye roll, maybe a quick scan of what its saying, and then probably off to the trash. This all would be followed by a headache and a silent wish probably (don’t text me ever again!!!). I think I’ve resolved it upon myself pretty well to not reach out again for both our sakes.

You know, eventually after that summer I would try to hang out again, probably a bit too persistently, but at that point I’m sure you were gone, and I was too blind to see it. Remember that concert I basically invited myself over for? Awkwardness all around! At least the music was alright, I do still listen to them/her on occasion, she’s got those beats that get me going! I’m trying to remember also that weird service project-like thing we did. I got paint on my favorite XKCD shirt, it’s like a forever mark that will remind me of that, unfortunately most of the other details have faded. I don’t think we really even hung out as much as I was hoping during that.

I’m never good at expressing myself or taking charge of a conversation. Its like, if the situation isn’t exactly how I imagine it should be in my head I won’t proceed, conditions aren’t perfect. Paralysis through analysis, that’s what they call it in the job field at least, the inability to move forward unless we know all outcomes, but all outcomes are unattainable/unknowable. Paralysis is me. Later.

D.M.