helllooooo thursday,    I was pretty busy, but I’m not now! Ha! A smarter version of me would do these letters in some sort of cohesive or unifying way, but I am not the smartest version of myself; that guy is off on some beach retired right now probably sipping some fine aged whiskey with extra sharp cheddar! Haha. Anyway. 

Your schedule seems pretty busy, I honestly don’t know how you fit it all in. You have succeeded though! Physics, Engineering, all those things always seemed to come so naturally to you, but you worked for it, I know. Its probably actually a miracle you found a devoted time to me as well. Even with the events and circumstances of your finals weeks, you managed. You are a strong, smart, fierce woman!

 … I was pretty busy. Thats an allusion back to the first bit. I doubt I was actually that busy though, I was more honestly lost and depressed. Boys/males aren’t allowed to be depressed/sad/lonely though, we aren’t allowed to talk about feelings, or have an outlet somewhere. Sadness, held too long, grows into you, like a mold corroding the soul. I was confused (perhaps not the technical right term), and didn’t know what I wanted. Its easy to ‘love’ and want what is in front of you. I will admit, I wanted to be with someone else, I wanted to be someone else, not the sad loner fool I felt like. You were too distant and too far out to pull me from that darkness. That chapter of my life was closing; I was going to a new state where I basically knew no one! It was a lot for me, change doesn’t come easy. It felt like there was no one to talk to. There was no one I felt like I could talk to. How do you explain to your love that you are petrified of leaving everything behind? How do you explain it all to someone hundreds of miles away with an email? I am not a writer, my words get jumbled, and what sounds good in my head looks numb on paper. Have you looked back at emails or messages and though “How could I have ever written that???” – That is all of my messages, and probably what these letters will turn into. Anywho…

Nothing ever came of my other interest except more heartbreak and plunging deeper into my personal despair. Its funny, in a dark twisted way, what might have been if I held on just a little longer to Thursday. You, I truly hope, have found your forever person, . Maybe I have to, but it hasn’t felt that way in a long while. I have been holding on though, much longer this time. Time…

-D.M.