Thursday,

    I think I’ve been mostly unfair. I hope that eventually I can answer all things with the honesty that perspective can afford.

    Yesterday and today were long days. I was hoping to get on and write up a follow up to the first letter, but I don’t really think that this is that. Just more meanderings of a mad man? Ha! But seriously, I have been weighing the merits of reaching out again, a second attempt, but I know I shouldn’t. My brain is screaming No you fool, never again, but this tiny voice says Do it, if only to clear the aire. It’s a tug of war, one that wearies and erodes my psyche. It would probably be smart to remove all contact information, leave any reunion to chance, or fate if you will. I’ve taken enough wrong turns to not trust in fate these days though, misguided searches for fortunes of one type or another.

    I had a fun talk in the office today though. Why I didn’t go the route of an engineer. I was flattered to be held in such esteem, I guess. They seemed genuinely intrigued. I of course didn’t have a great answer… I followed my passion and landed on my face so to speak. Never really got over it.

    It’s tough being social. I don’t think many people understand, or perhaps I’ve just gotten more… hermit like? Some days are exhausting. Often i wonder if I should have been one of those lone souls, adrift in the back woods, relying on the self. 

-D.M.